allysangel tracks on Soundclound

#allysangel

High Standards
allysangel

Written/performed by me. Lyrics: I pretend to be bad at manipulation and lying So when I get called out i can almost convince myself it's the truth I purposefully give my crush all the power I have to immerse myself or I can't be seduced Excited by the unknown Am I doomed to die alone? How you'll act, I always know It always makes me feel alone Maybe its because almost every boyfriend was online I'm sure it would've been much more different in person So I shouldn't worry too much, I haven't really even tried But what if i discover I get just as bored, or worse, even more If I don't start looking now I'll never end up finding the one My standards are so sky high How will anyone fill them? I feel like I'm faking, that I'm disconnected From everyone around me, they just hear the forced laughs If I don't play games then I'll get bored of them i find it hard to care, am I a sociopath? I cling onto the feelings that come when we first met Maybe the trick is to let change happen I keep on searching for myself inside them How can I love when I don't even know who I am? Ive always dated and related to the unstable Loves immediate and intense, both looking for distractions So when it inevitably tapers off about 3 weeks in I begin to panic, where's my feelings, I'm their #1, isn't this all I wanted? I loved the little squeak that accented all your laughs at the end But now its much too feminine, maybe I need someone who's more man There's always something wrong with someone, how do I know what flaws to accept? He hasn't hit me, does this mean that this isn't domestic violence? I feel like I'm faking, that I'm disconnected From everyone around me, they just hear the forced laughs If I don't play games then I'll get bored of them i find it hard to care, am I a sociopath? I cling onto the feelings that come when we first met Maybe the trick is to let change happen I keep on searching for myself inside them I don't think I've discovered love yet Am I the problem or them? I'm scared of losing my humanity As soon they show insecurity Immediately I wanna leave I'm beautiful and smart, I have everything I want in reach But I'm scared if everything's too easy, everything will start to lose meaning I won't settle for less than perfect, maybe "perfect" doesn't exist? But if I can love someone with all their flaws, doesn't that mean I can love anyone then? But what if the one person I find I can actually be with Doesn't want me back, I'd rather not know my chances I only have so many years before I'm forced to settle for less If I find the one-in-million, I can't bear to start the search all over again

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
577
Bitterness
allysangel

Written/performed by me. oooo i finally got a guitar again so that means I can give you MORE SONGS. This song I wrote when I was 15, really edgy, deep into r9k. At the time I was too much of a pu$$i to share because it was "too personal" and "too much" but now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. enjoy. Lyrics: Life’s tearing me apart and putting me together I feel like my heart is directly being severed From my chest, I can’t even breathe My visions hazy, I cant even see My legs are trembling, my body is weak My mind is cravin to go crazy But I stay silent, everyone has problems Gotta keep quiet gotta go on bein strong Fallin into the mindset that everyone is worthless Gotta go on bein upset, dwell on every single regret I wanna be delusional, don’t wanna be sane I can’t take lookin for everything to blame I won’t wake from this nightmare, Ill turn into a daydream ‘Cause sometimes fiction isn’t a stranger to reality Bitterness will be my downfall even when my talents call Can’t focus, cant feel competent, cant feel any amount of confidence Bury myself in schoolwork and music, convince myself that I’m capable of something Keep myself from laying in my bed With curtains closed, lights off, convinced that I am dead Stop, breathe Take a notch down, I’m only 15 This voice is my head’s the only thing I need Too bad its also killin me Sexism, misogynistic attitude is mental masochism I’ll work when I’m exhausted to prove that I amount to something, other than pleasing my husband Every single night in bed, what if I don’t wanna wed, what if I don’t want kids, what if I wanna change the world instead So fine call my crazy for never abandoning my naivety I wanna be delusional, don’t wanna be sane I can’t take lookin for everything to blame I won’t wake from this nightmare, Ill turn into a daydream ‘Cause sometimes fiction isn’t a stranger to reality

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
167
Left, Right
allysangel

written n performed by yours truly Left right left left Left right left left Right left right right Right left right right 2x Right about this time it'd be late enough for me to be Inclined to let my filter down and tell you what's exactly on my mind But what's left instead are texts I'd edit, can't be any proof I said it Hoping that you read it and wont message that'll link me to the crime Downplay everything I say, hope It won't give it away Because I'm a shitty liar but if we're talking it's okay I'd rather be your friend and not reciprocate your games Than to have a few true nights with you and pay for it all day Up in the air; I'm so aware we're so depraved, it isn't fair Play with my fingers and my hair Brown eyes, your stare has me impaired I don't know if you don't care But honey, I don't wanna share Just us, roommate isn't there Reveal my stomach if you dare I told you, you could hear it in the silence Maybe you would've stayed if you got the reference Connection yes, love no, but definitely felt it Have a letter I wrote you after that late night conversation I'll be reading them books and hittin up the library Getting off at the thought that you'd like what I'm wearing Belly shirts and pleated skirts Nobody knows, they'll just avert Look good for you, I won't assert Makes me perverse when you're a jerk I wanna make you feel too much; We're at the pier and our elbows touch I wanna breathe your breath I stop When it's too intense and we're non-chalant I know you know how I want you to want me: Explosively and without warning Is this love or is it lust? Soulmate or a stupid crush? I've been thinking bout your offer You said it was light-hearted Well I guess should've not revolved 2 weeks of my life around it; You'd act so aloof And I would be your muse And you'd break all my rules So how could I refuse? then you'd Show me your ballpark, late night walking in the dark I'll take you to 1st base While we're out here holding my hand I'll meet your every demand but you won't know it's my intent And I'll pretend to understand the defense of "we're just friends" I guess sooner or later I'll just have to accept That you're just not or never will be as obsessed Won't save my pictures or narrow down where I live Won't write songs for me about all the things you wanted Remember when I told you you were in my dream I felt you against me, kissing me passionately I had another one last night It felt so natural and it took me by surprise I wanna treat you like a human being But I'm scared reality blows so I'm desperately clinging To these feelings that are fleeting, I don't wanna stop the bleeding, I don't wanna start the healing, just please hug me, I need it Did you know My face stays red for like an hour after I shower And my hiccups are ridiculous, they're like every day, I think you'd be blown away And I have this crazy kid online who won't leave me alone, it's a total fucking joke i won't lie, you're voice is nice, hope you'd see it in my eyes, first listen turned me on but I rejected and denied I wonder all the things you'd say Uncensored, alone, just answers, no standards I'll guess I'll never get to know So I should stop this wild goose chase and just go home I wonder all the things I'd say Apartment, your couch, late hour, laid down I guess you'll never get to find out So I should stop this pointless pipe dream before we both drown You're unpredictable on purpose, I'm sure of it These are my confessions, my secrets, that I was gonna let manifest All the times I've been so patient They've seemed to all amount to nothing So I'm telling you right now all the things that could've been But never was, and never is basically a purge of all my feelings so i can just get them all out there and (hopefully) be done with them because I don't want the energy from them to be wasted, but I dont want them to influence me to make bad decisions. so yeah. written throughout the last 30 days.

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
99
Don't Leave
allysangel

Written/performed by me. What relationships are like for people with severe attachment issues. Lyrics: Take it slow, don't freak them out Don't let them know what you've already found out I know your family, I know your pets I know 4 years ago where you vacationed How was it? O shit, I let it slip, your sister's name "Oh you must've mentioned last Friday" "How did you know where I'm from" I say it's the accent, but it wasn't 'Cause I've spent nights and days searching your names up Stockpiling the information like it's a drug bust And you are the dangerous narcotic Unsuspectingly making me psychotic Please don't leave it's what I am most afraid of in my genetic makeup I'm high playing pretend If I remembered every conversation has to come to an end I'd never ever say hello anybody else again Lets go fast, I wanna love you so bad I feel empty all the time, the only feelings that I have are from that Don't care if we just met, it's meant to be I'll force it till it doesn't fit and now you're in love with me, and I'm sorry Too late to reciprocate it just feels forced Only way I'll stay in love is if it never runs its course, and I'm not yours But I've spent days and weeks in our fantasy Your hands caressing my waist, heavy breathing on top of me I have to have you, don't care if you hate me My ability to romanticize makes you godly Please don't leave it's what I am most afraid of in my genetic makeup I'm high playing pretend If I remembered every conversation has to come to an end I'd never ever say hello anybody else again It's been about a week since you left Gone without a trace and now I'm back where I started Now the love is stronger than it's ever been I'm not really suppose to, further fueling my obsession The lows make me wanna hang myself every time But I can't even begin to explain the highs I want your nights, dim lighted sleepovers Like we're kids again, no such thing as tomorrow in the present like we don't have to remember Because those moments are our temporary forevers. Please don't leave it's what I am most afraid of in my genetic makeup I'm high playing pretend If I remembered every conversation has to come to an end I'd never ever say hello anybody else again

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
365
Fire
allysangel

Written/performed by me. Lyrics: My heart breaks everyday thinking about our future I made to myself Part of me wants to run back but I know it would be bad for my health I was thinking of staking out all the places I think you might frequent Only reason that I haven't is because I have an angel holding me back The walls of text are closing in on me Of the things you said what didn't you mean? I played with fire but I couldn't help it The sparks were so beautiful, I was too selfish I played with your heart so you put me to the test And I know it was wrong but maybe I deserved it I know your toxic but what drug isn't? Thought I'd be safe with a taste now I'm addicted It keeps me up night So much I held back, was waiting for the right time I didn't wanna hang up because I was scared it would be the last goodbye Well I guess I was right Can't sleep, hard to eat He asks me what is wrong but I assure him that I'm fine Because I don't have the heart to tell him I still care about you after all this time Now I have burns all over me If I was so perfect, why did you leave? I played with fire but I couldn't help it The sparks were so beautiful, I was too selfish I played with your heart so you put me to the test And I know it was wrong but maybe I deserved it I know your toxic but what drug isn't? Thought I'd be safe with a taste now I'm addicted You hurt me, you think "there she is" That's funny, it wasn't me in the first place I was sobbing like my best friend died My angel took up arms and went into the fight He was what I should've been like That's why I'll always stay by his side We had a great run, I don't regret it one bit But until you apologize we can't be friends You probably don't want to, you're probably over it But maybe by some off chance you'll hear this And consider it

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
143
Everything's Well
allysangel

Told from the other perspective. If any male with an acoustic guitar wants to cover this, be my guest. Lyrics: I don't want help I don't want things to be the way that they could be I don't want care coming from the people that it should be I don't wanna try, getting up every day is such a hassle I don't wanna cry, I don't deserve to because I'm an asshole But I want you Your beauty, your sickness, and everything I hate about you You don't want me I'm nothing, I'm everything, you can't choose to choose me I can't get my goals straight I have never had faith in myself or anyone else I don't wanna play it safe, don't wanna cooperate Because I know that nothing ever helps I'm someone you can't save, I'm digging my own grave And I'll drag everyone with me to hell But I'll always tell you that everything's well Another day Another win, another loss, another nothing Am I okay? I'm fine, don't trust what therapists say Another week Maybe I can live once it reaches payday I'm feeling weak What's the point, life doesn't have meaning Only you You're the only thing I've ever gave meaning I guess I'm screwed You're everything, I'm nothing, you won't ever choose me I can't get my goals straight I have never had faith in myself or anyone else I don't wanna play it safe, don't wanna cooperate Because I know that nothing ever helps I'm someone you can't save, I'm digging my own grave And I'll drag everyone with me to hell But I'll always tell you that everything's well You want me to love you (but you don't wanna love me) 4x You want my attention all to yourself We haven't talked in a year, thought you'd be over this by now Guess it's just the same song and dance with you, trying to make my life hell Just make up your fucking mind So I can get on with life as well But until then I guess I'll be chasing my own tail

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
249
New Obsession
allysangel

Another oldie. Ever just meet someone one time and hang out with them for a few hours and want to be with them forever? Lyrics: I'll admit I fall for people too easy But you're so lovely can you really blame me I like you and all your flaws I like everything just because I love too hard it's really kinda scary I hold it all back so you don't think I'm crazy After you leave I'll wanna have your babies And daydream about the day we get married I'm not overly attached forever One day you'll think that I think of you never But the truth is really I'll be laying in my bed Thinking of you with my head and my hand I don't even have to give it much thought But for some damn reason I like you a lot My genetics think we'd be the perfect match And it's really hard to let go once it's attached I apologize if this is making you uncomfortable But I just thought that I should let you know That some random girl thinks you're really cute And if you were a local she'd date totally date you

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
162
Mixed Feelings
allysangel

I wrote this song a looooong time ago (~3 years) and finally have the courage to upload it. Wrote this around the time me and an old friend were sorta forming a romantic relationship and I wasnt sure I was ready to like him or not and I still had repulsion feels from before we came into contact again. Love this song and I sing it pretty frequently because the chorus is so catchy and I hope you love it too!! (even tho its specific). fanx for listen!!

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
189
Today
allysangel

This is a track i made about my daily life as a NEET. ft. my conscious (hence all you "you"s) Lyrics: [verse 1] Today I wanna get some math done Today I also wanna work on some songs Today I also need to clean the house and make some dinner Today I spent all my time online again [pre-chorus] You shouldn't take yourself so seriously Your world's not gonna crash and burn if you do nothing this week [chorus] Oooo I don't know what I should do Oooo Am I suppose to? And I can't live like this forever Eventually I will have to make a choice Computer science, astrophysics, or should I just use this voice? [verse 2] Today I heard that she's starting her career Today I saw that he's starting college this year Today I laughed at this cringy kid again Today I realize that I still haven't graduated [pre-chorus] You'll probly get it sorted out eventually Don't give up hope even if your future looks potentially bleak [chorus] Oooo I don't know what I should do Oooo Am I suppose to? And I can't live like this forever Eventually I will have to make a choice Computer science, astrophysics, or should I just use this voice? [bridge] Don't beat yourself up for things you can't change And never stop trying 'cause its never to late Always remember to forgive yourself, everyone makes mistakes Worst comes to worst you can try again tomorrow Don't hang your head and just wallow in sorrow If you can't do it for them, do it for me, 'Cause I'm the only one who can set you free If you can trust them, you know you can trust me.

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
171
Taylor Swift - Ours Cover
allysangel
Folk & Singer-Songwriter
68
Nothing's Gonna Change
allysangel

Track i made when i was really depressed a few months back, think im getting better now tho.

Trance
98
Losing You
allysangel

I wrote this song when I was at a really difficult time in my relationship. Means a lot to me. Lyrics: Its been hard to sleep recently I feel guilt and shame every time we speak I feel like I need to hide from you Even though that’s the opposite of what I should do But you'd get mad if I told you Told you every single truth You'd think I'm evil and insane Kick me out that very day I don’t know what I should do, I'm so afraid of losing you Take you for granted all the time when you'd give your life for mine I feel like I'm the one to blame for us fighting ten times a day Sometimes I just wanna go home, maybe you're better off alone I have many temptations I wanna be hedonist Even though I know its wrong But I don’t care live fast die young I wanna be your opposite Just to know that I am free I have problems with commitment So why the hell am I married? But you're basically my twin, even if I deny it And you just want the best for me and to make sure I'm content Even when you make me sad you're still trying your best Because when I'm hurt I'm not the only one who it effects It just feels like I'm so trapped, I'm so far away from home Divorce papers, password changes, 5 hour flight alone I wanna try to work this out but I'm so terrified 10 years down the road its all just wasted time

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
147
Jakob Wagner's song - My Best Friend
allysangel

This song is for my best friend Jakob Wagner who passed away a year ago. Love you Jake. This is the short version without the piano solos because my keyboard is too short. Lyrics: Jakob's Song I got no words to say No amount can explain News headlines try to blame The audience tries to shame To them it's a game With rules they cannot name They just want the views Well I just want the truth Hey, i saw you on the news today I knew it was you before they ever even gave a name Your ex-girlfriend confirmed my suspicions I guess you could say that I got some intuition Hey, you were on the news today And I feel like there's nothing that can ever take the pain away You know what people say "Time heals all wounds" but what doesn't kill you right then finds a way Sorry, I didn't make it to your wake I couldn't even make it to your final resting place I never saw you in person, after four years of talking I got no words to say No amount can explain News headlines try to blame The audience tries to shame Classmates act like they care But they were never there You're not a monster, you're a man But to me, you're a friend I, I still got the memories And knowing I could of done something will haunt me What you did, I should've seen it coming While I was resting I should of been rushing You, you were suicidal in the past weeks I should've called your mom and begged her please To take away your gun, but I all had it wrong I didn't think you'd have the guts to do anything, and now I've lost my best friend My closest friend And now the world has taken you away from me I'm sorry I didn't listen to all the songs you sent me I'm sorry I wouldn't respond when you would text me I'm sorry for letting us fade apart even when I promised I'd never let that happen I'm sorry for letting this happen I'm sorry I'd brush you off when you would wanna play a game 'Cause honestly there wasn't much we could do anyway When we got relationships we just kinda faded away I thought you were okay, or would be eventually But I know i shouldn't blame myself, I know you would be sorry You'd want me to feel empty but then you'd want me to be strong We knew each other on some like telepathic level We had a deep platonic love that was something special I got no words to say No amount can explain News headlines try to blame The audience tries to shame I miss you every day These thoughts won't go away I see you in my dreams I hope you're finally at peace You wouldn't want me to suffer, I can just tell If you're somehow watching I hope you're not in Hell And now the first time we will meet You'll be six deep under my feet I'll meet your mom, our friends, and get to see your house But what's the point if you're not around

Piano
107
Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love Cover
allysangel

Youtube Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO9-i2D7AZo

Folk & Singer-Songwriter
84
Radiohead - Creep Cover
allysangel

Youtube version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7EJyxg0dfc

Indie
79
Lorde - 400 Lux Cover
allysangel

Mic kinda sux, tried to be kinda quiet so it wouldnt static

lofi
82
Trouble - Coldplay Cover
allysangel

Check it out on youtubez https://youtu.be/jrRAWOW3Wh0

Indie
187
Cloud Of Unknowing - Gorillaz Cover
allysangel

Dont mind my doge, Im not too good with bar chords so bear with me

acoustic
116
Hate Me - Blue October Cover
allysangel
acoustic
244
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